Of Ninja and Alchemists
by Snickerer
Summary: Alternate title: The Trouble With Short, Loud, Blonde, Hyperactive Prodigies. Pair of short crossover scenes.
1. I can take him!

Disclaimer: I don't own either set of characters.

Odd plotbunny, but fun. Had a devil of time figuring out which category to to post it in, though.

_(Edit 11/05: As per my new policy, anonymous reviews get answered in my profile.)_

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"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT, YOU MIDGET?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SUPER-SHORT MICROSCOPIC SPECK OF A BEAN THAT A FLY COULD STEP ON!"

Two blonde boys stood opposite each other, practically growling.

One wore a bright orange jumpsuit, a headband with an engraved metal plate at the front partially confining his wild spikes of hair. Each of his cheeks bore three thin horizontal lines like whiskers.

The other wore a black shirt and pants beneath a short red cloak emblazoned with a black snake twined around a cross. His hair was tied back in a short braid and his right hand was gloved, a short chain arcing from his belt to his pocket.

Bright blue eyes matched glares with fierce amber.

"Ah, Naruto…"

"Brother, maybe you should…"

A man with a scar across his nose and a vest covered in pockets came up behind the boy in orange while a huge armored figure tried to get the attention of the boy with the braid.

"I'll handle this, Iruka-sensei!"

"Stay out of it, Al!"

The two replied without glancing behind them.

The ninja instructor and the younger Elric brother exchanged apologetic, helpless glances and shrugs over the heads of the two blondes. Both of the belligerents were bringing their hands dangerously close together, one in a complex finger pattern and the other with gloved and bare hands flat and parallel as if to pray, or to clap.

The seemingly inevitable confrontation was abruptly forestalled by each of the would-be combatants being yanked up and backwards by the scruff of their collars. A tall man with a horned jawguard holding back his flowing white hair casually held the small orange-clad ninja in the air with one hand, while a black-haired man in a military uniform performed a similar operation on the smallest State Alchemist with both hands, a shoulder, and rather more effort.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, ERO-SENNIN-"

"Put me _down_ this instant, Mustang-"

"Jiraiya..." The name sounded in a dangerously rising crescendo, and a busty blonde with her hair in two ponytails and a diamond marking on her forehead crossed her arms.

"Ahem." The polite, almost inaudible cough was the only sign of the appearance of the blonde woman with a rifle slung over her shoulder at the Colonel's side.

Both men coughed.

"Ah, yes, Tsunade."

"Right, Liutenent Hawkeye."

Under the women's watchful eyes, they carefully put their subordinates down and into the charge of Iruka and Alphonse, both boys sulking but quelled for the moment.

"Anyway. I'm glad I could help with your…research."

"Quite. Thanks for the tips, I've got some new plans to try on the homunculi. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful with your problems, though."

"Oh, I don't know. Killing Orochimaru until he stays dead has a certain appeal."

"I can imagine."

"And the…other research as well."

"Oh, no problem. I can give you some more phone numbers if you need them."

Tsunade gave no warning this time before punching Jiraiya over the nearest mountain. Hawkeye merely gave a mildly disapproving "Colonel..." and the Flame Alchemist coughed and became very interested in the flight path of a certain Sannin.

Tsunade shook her head. "Right. We're finished, and we need to head back to the village now before Jiraiya makes any more trouble."

"And you have that meeting with the General at 1700," Hawkeye reminded coolly.

"Certainly, Hokage-sama."

"Fine, fine, old hag."

"Right."

"Yes, Liutenant."

Shepherding their charges in opposite directions, the two women paused for one final moment to exchange sympathetic glances.

"Until next time. Good luck."

"And to you as well."

"Really, Naruto, do you want to keep Sakura waiting?"

"Ahh, shaddup, I'm coming."

"Honestly, Fullmetal, what would Winry have said if you'd damaged your automail in _another_ pointless fight?"

"Humph."

As the two small groups split in opposite sides of the pass, a complaint floated up over the mountains in stereo from both directions, "Whaddya _mean_, I can't fight him? I could take him, I swear!"

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Naruto meets the Fullmetal Alchemist. If opposites attract...


	2. Some things just shouldn't be

Disclaimer: don't own anybody, just this possible set of reactions.

Whoops, one more crackbunny. Now I'm done.  
And no, my computer is not back. A relative was nice enough to let me use hers today, but this is probably not going to be a regular arrangement.

As per usual, anonymous reviews get answered in my profile.

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"So, how's the betting pool doing?" 

"Around eight hundred in various currencies on Naruto, about the same on Fullmetal, and 5 demands to cease and desist, prevent and/or compensate property damage, and assorted variants therof."

"Pretty much as expected, then."

"Yep."

"Alright, then. So, which one have people actually bet more on?"

"I'm actually not quite sure, I can never remember the conversion factors–"

The dark-haired man in a neat colonel's uniform and the taller, considerable more disreputable-looking ninja ambling beside him rounded the corner and stopped dead in shock, the small ledger the two had been examining forgotten.

The square they had just entered was crowded, but their attention was on just two individuals. The bright green spandex jumpsuit of the man with thick eyebrows and bowl-cut hair was perhaps more obvious, but the large man with a blond mustache and a single lock of hair above his forehead relieving his baldness just exiting a shop on the other side of the square was eye-catching in his own right, even if the major's uniform he wore hadn't been very similar to the colonel's. Even as the first two men watched in horror from the entrance to the square, the gazes of the spandex-wearer and the Major happened to intersect.

"Oh, hell no–"

"Nevermind the pool, this takes precedence!"

"Absolutely!"

The ledger forgotten, the two men who had been poring over it moments before tore back around the corner at a dead run. Carelessly weaving around rubble and dodging flying masonry, assorted projectiles, and the odd shadow clone, the Flame Alchemist and Frog Hermit dove straight into the tangle of yelling, crackling energies, and blows that was forcibly remodeling the surrounding city block and each came up holding a yelling, kicking, irate blond boy by the scruff of the neck.

"Yes, yes, nevermind that–"

"A much more urgent mission just came up. Now go!"

Threats blithely ignored, both boys found themselves yanked down the street and flung around the corner, landing in a furious heap at the entrance to the square. They were instantly back on their feet and attempting to locate their respective superiors to exact revenge…when they noticed what was in front of them and stopped dead, eyes wide.

The light was already gleaming off of Gai's smile as the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha began moving into his Nice Guy pose. And pink sparkles were already starting to become visible around the beatifically serene Major Armstrong.

A faint noise of denial came from both boys, and a single glance between them established temporary truce before they dashed off at top speed.

"Hey, hey, hey! Do you know where I can find thick- I mean, do you know where Lee is?"

"Major Armstrong, have you seen Lieutenant Hawkeye, I need her help with something–"

Some things just can't be allowed to happen, after all.

But as the two boys carefully but rapidly steered their successfully distracted targets out of the square in different directions, the same thought ran through both of their minds regarding their respective superiors:

_Bastard's going to owe me _big_ for this one._


End file.
